Today was a wonderful day

Last night I got back from work at about 10.30pm and decided not to sleep since I was gonna head out again at 3am. Its one of the Baha'i Holy Days that we commemorate the Ascension of the prophet founder of the Baha'i Faith, Baha'u'llah at 4am in the morning. Some of the Baha'is in the north east gather at the St. Mary's lighthouse by the shore to say prayers. It was such a beautiful sight and feeling to be there just before the sunrise and to be with friends on a holy day.

The weather was just nice, a little cold which is expected at dawn but after the prayers I felt this warmth come over me that made me feel even more spiritual. I'm sure everyone there felt that as well. It was definitely an experience for me and if I am still here next year, I would not want to miss it! After the prayers, we went towards the shore and past the light house just before the sun was about to come up the horizon. Stayed on the rocks for awhile and snapped away on my camera. It was such a beautiful sight and was just taken back by little things that we don't normally get to see. The sun came up quick, one moment we could see the sun peeking out of the horizon and the moment you turn away and look back again its half way there! First sunrise to see in the UK!

After I got back from Whitley Bay, slept for about 5-6 hours and woke up and ready to eat. So went with Kingsley and Lenz to this cafe nearby to have our brunch. Amazing food that lead us to be walking giants. I felt I was 10 kilos heavier after that. No kidding!

The weather was amazingly nice (its been a spell whereby everytime i have my day off its been gloomy and wet)! So the 3 of us went to the park nearby and walked around. Kingsley with his camera and snapping away, while Lenz and I just enjoyed the flowers in the park. It is a very nice park and it has given me the motivation to “probably” go there tomorrow! The walk was really good and made me really appreciate nature (I guess today is all about nature’s beauty). We spent about a good hour and a half walking before heading back home.

Didn’t stay long at home as I had a study circle to go to. Met couple of new faces and was happy to have study circles with new people because it always enlightens you with insights from different people. We were discussing about being truthful and it came to a discussion about how sometimes we do things without being conscious of what we are doing, and doing things out of habit, which I know I do all the time. I think this whole discussion thing started with telling the truth and that sometimes we say things out of habit and somehow it got lead to that. Anyhow, it definitely made me aware that whatever we do, we have to do it in a state of mind where you are aware of what you are doing. It makes you live for the moment and makes you aware of what is going around you. This thought came up to mind as we were discussing, everytime when I lock the car door (or any door in the matter of fact), I usually do it out of habit and because I am not doing it consciously by the time I walk away, I almost instantly go “did I lock the doors?”. I feel its because it is such a habit to lock your doors that you zone out and don’t even think about it when you are doing it. I know its something simple but I know that somehow it affects your day to day life. So lesson today would be : Live every second with a conscious mind (might sound a little cliche to some), try not to zone out!

So that is how I spend my day and I am HAPPY…

New Look

Can't really believe that I've had this blog for almost 5 years now. Never expected this thing to last so long! From being in college, to a new country and university and now with a job, this blog has definitely been through some interesting changes in my life. So, i guess its time for a "new look"

I have had the same blogskin since the day I started and was too scared to change it due to the fact that I've heard some people doing some changes and their whole archives goes missing! Even this change suffered a few hesitations :P

Anyway, I'm still not really satisfied with this so please do give any comments about it and I shall fix it somehow!!

Happy Mother’s Day

Dearest Mummy,

I miss you tonnes and wish you were in Newcastle here everyday and so that i can just be the talkative daughter!!

Can’t believe that its coming to a year since you were here in July! Time flies right?

Anyway, just wanted to tell you that you are the best mom a daughter can have and I appreciate all you have done for me! Without you, there wouldn’t be me! and I’m proud to be your daughter!

Love you Ma!

May

Am I Me? or Am I Me?

After reading a couple blogs here and there, I admire how open some people can be with their feelings. I know sometimes (almost always) I can be really reserved to how my feelings are, and I know that sometimes, no matter how pissed or annoyed I am about something, I put on a happy face just to make people happy. Even when people sense that I am feeling real down, I’ll just go “nothing, nothing…I’m fine”

Venting out on people is not what I’m used to. Even writing about this is difficult. I remember a few of my closest friends say I’m very diplomatic, always saying the right things. You know when sometimes you feel like saying “ Get the hell out of my face” but you just smile and go “ its alright”. I know I’ve done that too times. I feel that it is slowly wearing me out. (If you guys are worried about me….don’t, cause nothing bad has happened) I have probably molded myself to how people think I should be.

I just feel I need to let go, cause I think it helps people to grow. Caring about what people might think of you makes you very paranoid. I know I am a person who thinks too much and sometimes worry too much about how people think of me! I really think about I suffer from paranoia. Always thinking about what would people think of me if I were to do this and that. I feel I’m always scared that someone hates me and sometimes feel that even the closest friends have hidden agendas. Call me crazy, sometimes I feel that I am and should be locked up in a cell (unless it is normal to feel that way).

I know I need to care less, although not to the point of being ignorant. Need to be in touch with my feelings (doesn’t it sound cliche?). Need to know me for me and not what others think of me. I have met a couple of people who have found their life's rhythm (without worrying about what people would say) and jive to and through it. I think it’s time to find mine……

and if you don’t like it, its not my problem.

Life as it is…

Time has definitely flown by since my last post and I didn’t even realise that my last post was in March and it wasn’t really considered a post (probably more of an advert for my brother).

These past months have mostly been about work. Maybe a couple of birthdays, little hang outs here and there, but that’s about it. The work I do involves me doing graveyard shifts and times that are so uncertain that it doesn’t really allow me to plan things in advanced. That is one think I don’t like about my job (but I’m still grateful). My sleeping pattern is all upside down and I can feel that it is tiring my body out. I tend to wanna laze more and more just because I wake up at odd hours like 5 in the evening. I doubt I can take this forever, if I tried, I’d probably die in the process. I really wonder how my workmates can do this for 3-4 years!

Work has made me appreciate my days off, even though i have nothing to do, lazing around in the room watching a movie, cleaning my room, doing laundry just calms me now… And if the weather is nice, sitting in a nearby cafe with the sun shining just comforts me.

However, the thought of going back to work again just kills it somehow. I know that’s life but but but…( I know I’m not the only complaining about going back to work after the end of a weekend).

My next days off will be Thursday and Friday. These are the days that I crave for after doing 7 shifts in a row before getting 2 days of rest! I’m so impatient that I strike them off my timetable so that the days will seem nearer. Sounds like a child striking off the calendar counting the days to school holidays. Well, I guess that is how I feel about my days off!!

2 days till my days off!!!!!!!!!! Can’t wait….