Am I Me? or Am I Me?

After reading a couple blogs here and there, I admire how open some people can be with their feelings. I know sometimes (almost always) I can be really reserved to how my feelings are, and I know that sometimes, no matter how pissed or annoyed I am about something, I put on a happy face just to make people happy. Even when people sense that I am feeling real down, I’ll just go “nothing, nothing…I’m fine”

Venting out on people is not what I’m used to. Even writing about this is difficult. I remember a few of my closest friends say I’m very diplomatic, always saying the right things. You know when sometimes you feel like saying “ Get the hell out of my face” but you just smile and go “ its alright”. I know I’ve done that too times. I feel that it is slowly wearing me out. (If you guys are worried about me….don’t, cause nothing bad has happened) I have probably molded myself to how people think I should be.

I just feel I need to let go, cause I think it helps people to grow. Caring about what people might think of you makes you very paranoid. I know I am a person who thinks too much and sometimes worry too much about how people think of me! I really think about I suffer from paranoia. Always thinking about what would people think of me if I were to do this and that. I feel I’m always scared that someone hates me and sometimes feel that even the closest friends have hidden agendas. Call me crazy, sometimes I feel that I am and should be locked up in a cell (unless it is normal to feel that way).

I know I need to care less, although not to the point of being ignorant. Need to be in touch with my feelings (doesn’t it sound cliche?). Need to know me for me and not what others think of me. I have met a couple of people who have found their life's rhythm (without worrying about what people would say) and jive to and through it. I think it’s time to find mine……

and if you don’t like it, its not my problem.